And Now, Chef Thoughts On Giant Chicken

This chicken will outlive and outperform you. Just hang it up now.

March 20, 2017 ● 1 min read

There are two me’s: me before I saw the giant chicken and the frail, broken me that exists now, after I have seen the giant chicken.  

By now you too may have seen it, laughed nervously, debated whether it's real or not, then sat in a dark room pondering its existence, the hours peeling away, dusk stretching into cold night followed by blinding morning sun, a bleak new reality enveloping you. There are giant chickens out there and they will FUCK YOU UP.

However, both me's are still chefs. Here's a verified transcript of the explosion that happened in my brain as I watched this dinosaur in a Clydesdale suit strut around its prison-yard-slash-coop. 

That's A LOT of yakitori.

How far in advance would I have to order this at Zuni?

How would Federal Donuts cook this beast?

[Pause for stomach-churning thoughts about how it would taste]

Was its egg also giant? Would it make a normal-sized omelette


Is it possible for something to be too majestic to eat?

If I were the owner of Cockscomb, I'd be losing sleep over this. 

Would you still use the tenders off this thing for the kid menu if they're as big as pork tenderloins?

Is .25 wing night still a thing if they're bigger than my hand?

I'm guessing using the feet for dim sum is out.

I'm sorry sir, the chicken isn't undercooked; it just appears pink because inside this animal once flowed the blood of a CHAMPION."

Yardbird yes, but in this case, is the yard San Quentin?


It's nice to be prepared for the inevitable takeover by our new avian overlords, isn't it?

Richie Nakano